once had friends mercilessly fail three attempts at making me a birthday cake before realizing they’d been using diatomaceous earth in lieu of flour the whole time
I gasped with greater intensity than I ever have in my life
People blocking my path bc they are slow-moving, e.g. elderly people and others with mobility issues: Take your time, no problem, please do not apologize, I am in no rush 👍🏻❤️
People blocking my path because they are not paying one bit of attention: I feel murder in my heart. I feel seething, bone-crushing rage. You had to stand and stop in a fucking doorway? What are you doing on your phone? Are you tapping your last will and te
As one of those mobility impaired (usually these days) people, it’s even harder for us to go around you “Ima just stop right here and stand for no good reason” folks. I can no longer just juke to the left to avoid you.
Don’t even get me started on people who lack situational awareness, empathy and common sense at grocery stores. If you and your spouse and your four kids MUST go grocery shopping all together, please remember, the entire grocery aisle was not built for you and your brood to stand across like every row is a chance to play Red Rover. People need to get by.
And I’m begging you, even if this isn’t you, watch your kids. I cannot take another five year old slamming into my bad leg at the Kroger. I won’t hurt your kid, but I cannot guarantee I won’t slam you upside the head with my cane on the way to the floor, Bethany.
After three separate commissions on this particularly famous speech, I figured that there may be many a monty fan among yall that would appreciate this nonsense fully illuminated but also affordable!
the usual deal, digital print pieces, gold is hand illuminated
I need it but no frame is sufficiently ostentatious to frame it.
honestly i think the juxtaposition of faux medieval illumination in something like, say, a plastic mickey mouse frame bought from a thrift shop, would be 800% more appropo anyways so idt you’d need to worry about the frame
here is how I framed my beautiful commission from @theshitpostcalligrapher. this is not a staged photo, it’s been like that for months
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
“I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts.” Is my true ADHD/Autism experience lmaoooo
Don’t let the world fool you: consistent kindness is the most quietly powerful thing.
If you ever want to engage in villainy & undermine the social order: Be especially kind to the people society has rejected. Care about the ones the world would convince you don’t ‘deserve’ your kindness.
I genuinely mean this when I say to you: the ultimate act of rebellion is insisting on compassion and grace in a compassionless world.
When my therapist diagnosed me as having rejection sensitivity dysphoria as part of my ADHD, it was a huge relief to know that my brain is basically just 13 weasels in a trench coat trying their best to navigate their way through a minefield, and that I’m not actually as much as a colossal fuck up as I think I am.
This is a thing??? Well sure sounds like my ADHD has a much bigger impact on my life than I thought and sure sounds like I should get back to a doctor
“When this emotional response is internalized, it can
imitate a full, major mood disorder complete with suicidal ideation. The
sudden change from feeling perfectly fine to feeling intensely sad that
results from RSD is often misdiagnosed as rapid cycling BPD.”
For me it can manifest as extreme physical reactions (hyperventilation, panic attacks) or just a really negative thought spiral where I can go from being absolutely fine, to dealing with intrusive thoughts of self harm, or even suicidal ideation if the situation is stressful enough. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like the world was turned inside out and full of sharp corners and broken glass that no one else could see, internalizing several extremely harmful survival mechanisms (people pleaser, perfectionist, will work self to death if not sat on by concerned loved ones) in an attempt to preempt the emotional fallout of Not Doing Well Enough.
For years I was told it was a symptom of depression and general anxiety (which it can be), but uh, yeah, the usual treatment for those things didn’t help. Until people here on tumblr were like “Joy, Joy please, you have all the signs of someone struggling with adult adhd, please, Joy, get help, get tested” and I was like “haha yea sure whatever” and then as it turns out I am on the extreme end of the hyper spectrum, and have a whopping case of RSD to go along with it and let me tell you, the prolonged stint in Hell that was the education system from nursery through to higher academia began to make a whole lot of fucking sense.
I’m working on managing it now, but it’s still really, really difficult and sometimes it’s easier to just have a quiet meltdown and reset the internal clock with a good cry than try to bottle it up and push through it.
@thebibliosphere How do you work on treating it? Are there any medications that don’t react really badly with anti-depression/anti-anxiety ones? Are there any ways of pulling out of a spiral once your body perceives Disappointment and thinks you are dying for the next two hours? Are there any ways to avoid Disappointing anybody? Or to move Disappointment with a capital D to disappointment with a lowercase d that you can cope with more easily?
I’ve gotten to the point now where I’m essentially watching myself sitting in the bathroom sobbing my eyes out with my emotions going death is preferable to going back out and facing the Disappointed person again even though I know it’s not. But it feels almost like I’m a baby sitter or older sibling watching a toddler having a meltdown in the park because they can’t decide if they want the peanut butter and jelly or the peanut butter and banana sandwich with utterly nothing they can do except try to say “there there” and comfort said toddler until they stop crying.
My diagnosis of RSD is still fairly recent, so it’s very much a work in progress.
There are some meds (actually meant for blood pressure) which supposedly work really well for it, compared to antidepressants which actually do not seem to help RSD for a lot of people that have it. I haven’t tried them yet because I process medications weirdly, so we’re trying cognitive behavioral therapy methods in combination with ptsd reconditioning, in the hopes it will reduce certain stressors, and I’ll be able to unlink certain thoughts from my trauma and think about them objectively.
It still genuinely feels sometimes like I might die from the crushing weight of pain that engulfs my chest when the dysphoria hits, but I’m getting better at recognizing it for what it is, and knowing that it will soon pass helps me to not spiral out and rebound quite so much. It feels hideous at the time, but knowing it will pass in an hour, a couple of hours, is much more bearable than the fear that I’ll always feel that way, because sometimes when it hits it’s hard to imagine it ever ending.
I wish I had more to offer, but like I said I’m still in early days and trying to muddle my way through. Treating it along side my adhd and ptsd has been immensely helpful though, in that sometimes I can now somewhat detach from the process and am aware it is happening and sort of talk myself through it without fully disassociating like I used to.
I treat it a bit like a toddler in my care, where something has triggered a meltdown, and they need help to feel better. So what do I need, did I eat enough today? Maybe I’m hungry, do I need a nap? Lets try a nap. Do I need a hug? Lets find someone and ask for a hug. Can’t find someone? I’ll hug my own damn self cause I love me and I deserve reassuring pressure. Do I need to just sit back on my heels and bawl it out for a bit? Sure, why not. Maybe it’ll reset the brain chemistry to have a good cry.
What I don’t do anymore is actively fight it with negative thoughts. I used to call myself stupid and worthless a lot as a means to try and rile myself up out of the spiral, like “come on you worthless garbage human, get on with it” type thing. But as my therapist pointed out, I was actively reinforcing my perception of worthlessness in the process, which would prolong the spiral.
Cutting certain toxic people out of my life has also been substantially helpful in rebalancing my sense of self.
Basically I’m just trying to be kinder to myself, and replace the anger and self loathing with the same acceptance I’d offer a loved one. Doesn’t always work, and it’s certainly not easy. But in combination with the other therapy work and absolutely fucking relentless positive self reinforcement, I’m starting to see a slight change for the better. And if I ever get to try the meds, well, who knows.
